As a manager in people operations, like many of you, I have gone through countless trainings. I have a bachelor’s degree in business management with a focus on food and beverage. I also have a master’s degree in human resources management. I’ve traveled to attend conferences and listen to speakers (Jon Taffer is one of my favorites), thinking that’s what I needed to become a good leader.
However…
In my first few years, I was constantly learning about cost of goods, vendor relationships, P&L reviews, managing expenses, inventory control, and more. I was well on my way to becoming a great leader—or so I thought.
A Big New World
I got a stark reality check when I was tasked with coaching and counseling team members—call it what you will, but it was part of the job. Fortunately, in my early years in operations management, I worked with close friends or people I had known for years, so those conversations weren’t too difficult.
Then we moved to a bigger city, with a much larger and more dynamic food and beverage environment. That’s where my struggles began.
Now I was in a fast-paced setting with hundreds of team members I didn’t know. As a manager, it was still my responsibility to coach and counsel—but this time, it felt completely different.
The first few one-on-one conversations were terrifying. I had no idea how to communicate effectively with someone I didn’t personally know. Needless to say, I became a pushover. I crumbled at the first sign of tension. I found myself stuck in a trial-and-error phase of uncomfortable conversations.
I tried:
- The “nice guy” approach. This rarely had the impact I needed—it just helped me avoid conflict.
- The empathy approach. Again, it didn’t work. I found myself acting more like a psychologist than a leader.
- The tough-guy approach. This was a complete failure. It simply wasn’t my style.
I couldn’t understand why I was unable to communicate in a meaningful way.
The Worst Advice I Ever Got
While working in a large casino in Las Vegas, I had a director counsel me on being more direct with my team (yes—even managers get counseled). He told me to be firm and strict: what I say goes, and when I say no, I mean no.
I smiled and nodded politely.
Then the moment came. I had to have a difficult conversation with a team member who was notoriously challenging. I brought them into the office, sat down, and replayed my director’s advice in my head. I was ready.
I immediately addressed the issue. I was direct and firm. My tone was confident, my message was clear, and I left no room for debate.
And then everything went downhill.
When they tried to explain their side, I shut it down. I interrupted. I became frustrated. They tried to speak again, but I was locked in on delivering my message.
…and that’s how the fight started.
Why Aren’t We Teaching This?
Most businesses invest heavily in training. So why do so many of us struggle with something as fundamental as having structured, professional conversations with our teams?
Despite all my training, degrees, and mentorship, I was completely unprepared for the human side of leadership.
Over the years, I began doing my own research. I read everything from Nelson Mandela to Simon Sinek, and everything in between. I realized I needed to develop my own approach.
Eventually, I wrote a book on how to navigate difficult conversations—you can read more about it if you’re interested. I wanted to help close the gap in training that both new and experienced managers face. My goal was to create a practical tool for small business owners to easily teach their supervisors and managers a clear, repeatable method. I even included scripts and a worksheet to make it simple to implement.
Final Thoughts
As I reflect on this journey, I want to bring attention to a gap that still exists in how we train leaders.
The ability to communicate effectively cannot be overstated. It is what separates good leaders from great ones.
Be the first to comment